Greatest

Although New Year’s Eve is now only a memory of which the pain has hopefully faded, anyone who hits the bottle on a regular basis may want to check out the five biggest myths about drinking brought to you courtesy of Cracked.com. If you’re sure you know the answers to questions like “What DO I do when my girlfriend passes out (and remain within the limits of the law)?”, “How do I prevent a hangover?” or “Why would I need to take a coat to the bar when it’s twenty below?” take a couple a mo’s to check your alcohol IQ; it could just save your life or the life of the person you were sure was going to be your girlfriend/boyfriend the next morning.

Just when you thought you couldn’t recycle anything else, it’s time to start bringing a baggy to the barber. Looks like human hair could be the next big thing in organic gardening thanks to the work of Vlatcho Zheljazkov of Mississippi State University, who pitted the naturally-nitrogen-laden locks against commercial fertilizers and found that slower growing plants benefited more from a diet of discarded tresses than its chemical counterparts. Although more work has yet to be done to determine if hair is a viable alternative on a widespread basis, you can bet more than one family of gardening gurus are going to be revisiting the bowl cut this year.

Bill O’Reilly is gay, CNN’s resident twitterer Rick Sanchez may skip work to smoke crack and Britney Spears boasts a four foot wide vagina with razor sharp teeth. Well, at least according to Twitter. The Twitter phishing scam that popped up over the weekend has managed to claim some of the site’s most popular members as victims. Even Barack Obama’s account couldn’t escape the sneaky hacking handiwork as his page featured a tweet with an affiliate link to a survey. The Fail Whale Brigade (aka the folks who write the Twitter blog) put out an alert Saturday reminding members to carefully examine DMs and added a red-lettered warning to users’ homepages. Hmm, looks like Twitter will have to add ’security boosting’ to that mysterious business plan.

…getting dressed requires a tube of Vaseline and skinny jeans. If playing “Spot the High Price Call Girl” has lost its edge and the definition of a “hipster” eludes you, check out Robert Lanham’s Hipster Handbook and have a grand time spotting the cooler than cool folks around Brooklyn or whatever soon-to-be-gentrified neighborhood in your city. And, if you fret about ending up with a hipster label, a couple more clues from the book that say you may have crossed the hipster line: “You have one Republican friend whom you always describe as being your one Republican friend” or “You have kissed someone of the same gender and often bring this up in casual conversation.”

A judge in New Zealand has ordered a loin cloth-sporting hobo to put on some skivvies following an obscene exposure trial stemming from the free-balling man’s frequent flashing. How is it that a court can demand a homeless person don some underwear, but Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan can flash their coochie everywhere from Venice to Vancouver without so much as a slap on the wrist?

Apple CEO Steve Jobs wants all the worrying Apple watchers to stop nervously chatting about his health and released a public letter Monday to clear up speculation flying around gossiping tech circles. Jobs blames a hormone imbalance for his dramatic weight loss and reveals he will undergo a “relatively simple” treatment to correct the problem. Jobs and his collection of black mock turtlenecks will continue leading Apple, but this week’s Macworld sans Jobs could also serve as the company’s test run without its fearless leader. Is this kinda like when Hollywood starlets blame thyroid issues and a love of yoga for miraculous weight loss?

When two o’clock comes around and you’re head is periodically hitting the keyboard, keep walking past the coffee pot and go stare at a tree. A brisk walk in a Chicago winter may also do the trick (of simultaneously freezing your faux-fabric-clad behind), but research out of the University of Michigan shows that a walk in a natural setting goes farther to recharge your batteries than a stroll in the city streets. If greenery is too far a haul, though, change that screen saver to a snapshot of nature’s wonders, and that too improves memory and concentration while freaking out your cubicular neighbors as an added bonus: “Dude, the trees are telling me to relax.” Hmmm…maybe let the pictures do the talking.

The man who gave the world a colorful style loved by everyone from Guy Kawasaki to Jimmy Buffett fans has died. Alfred Shaheen, a pioneering textile manufacturer and the man credited with bringing Hawaiian shirts into the mainstream, passed away December 22 at the age of 86. Shaheen’s aloha shirts debuted in 1948 and even made the cover of Elvis Presley’s 1961 “Blue Hawaii” soundtrack album. Consider digging out that Hawaiian shirt from the bottom drawer (that probably still smells like patchouli and spilled margaritas) and sporting it Friday in a revival of “Aloha Fridays” and in honor of Mr. Shaheen.

John McCain’s loss in November dashed Meg Whitman’s hopes for a White House gig, but the former eBay CEO doesn’t have any plans to leave politics behind. Speculation around Whitman’s rumored run for California governor sparked up again today when the possible future candidate quit the boards of Procter & Gamble, eBay, and Dreamworks Animation. Whitman reps refused to comment on potential political plans, saying the move was for “personal reasons.” And, by “personal reasons,” Meg’s handlers likely mean “stocking up on pantsuits and practicing the politician smirk.”

Pink slip rumor du jour: the buzz around the business world says Beijing-based Lenovo will layoff 200 employees, including at least 10 at senior management level, at its headquarters. China Tech News reports that the job slashing still needs government approval and could just be the first of the firings that may spread throughout the Asia-Pacific region

Expect to see sales of tin foil and red sheets on the upswing as homeowners flip off the ADT and turn to cheaper, more creative ways to protect their homes. An Edinburgh man scared off a burglar without any pepper spray, baseball bats or fancy alarm system–no, Torvald Alexander donned a Thor costume made of aluminum foil and a red bed sheet and chased out a would-be robber. Mr. Alexander holds a great fondness for the Norse god of thunder and had just returned home from a New Year’s Eve costume party when he spotted the home invader. Boasting his scaring off prowess, the Thor wannabe commented, “I think I would be quite scared if someone looking almost like a gladiator ran at them.” Stock up on that tin foil!

For all of you anxiously awaiting Ann Coulter’s sit-down with Matt and Mer to promote her new book, Guilty, the blond bombshell of the GOP will not be kickin’ it with Al on the “Today” show after all. NBC canned the segment after near-suffocation from an avalanche of liberal scorn prompting the comment, “I guess this ends the ‘they just want to get ratings’ argument about liberal media bias,” following an announcement of the cancellation on her website. Fear not, real America; CBS’s “Early Show” picked her up for Tuesday morning. Phew!

This year’s Miss America Pageant will feature all the bedazzles, push-up bras and sequins galore of year’s past, but one contestant’s evening gown will put a smile on Mother Earth’s face (that is, if Mother Earth is a pushy, pill-popping pageant mom). Miss Vermont plans on donning an environmentally friendly gown made from hemp, organic cotton and silk, and recycled lace and beads. Ashley Ruth Wheeler hopes the dress will serve as a conversation starter–although, there might not be much of a convo to start considering Vermont has never nabbed the big prize and is the only state to never have a contestant advance to the semi-finals.

Apple’s planned exit from future Macworld expos has IDG World Expo, the show’s producer, feeling the pressure for 2010. With no Steve Jobs stage strutting or hyped-up gadget announcements, plans for the future of Macworld remain fuzzy, but rest assured, the show will go on, with or without Apple. Banners around the techie shindig, currently underway in San Francisco, proclaim Macworld 2010 as “The start of a new era” and organizers reportedly plan to field ideas in a “town meeting” (how very John McCain-like) during this week’s conference.

‘Tis the season to hit the gym, work up a sweat and shed some pounds and a new study linking weight loss with an improved sex life may give men a bit more incentive to hop on the treadmill. Researchers examined a group of morbidly obese men that underwent gastric bypass surgery and discovered that the significant drop in poundage improved sexual function. Morbidly obese fellers tend to suffer from the same amount of sexual dysfunction as non-obese men nearly 20 years older, so dropping the extra weight helps clear up erectile dysfunction and stamina issues. Plus, imagine all the chicks a newly-slimmed down you can scoop up strutting the beach in that leopard-print thong hiding in your closet.

Crowd-sourced magazine JPG folded last week, much to the dismay of fancy photo fans everywhere, but now word has emerged that the mag could rise from the dead as potential buyers eye snapping up the publication. Interested suitors engaging in the reported bidding war include Flickr, Smugmug and Alexander Muse. The company behind JPG, 8020 Media, is apparently only considering cash offers and a deal could arrive at any moment.